Small blossoms

The last couple of years have been difficult; the last few months so hard.  It has been a struggle for me to walk in faith and to be joyous.  I read an exceptional book --A THOUSAND GIFTS by Ann Voskamp.  If you have the opportunity, please read it.  Our library is carrying it; I would imagine others are also. 

She challenges us to look for a grateful spirit - to find a thousand gifts in our daily life.  I loved the idea; was challenged by the truth of it and realized I have not been faithful to do this.  My mom, Grandma Oakley and Auntie Marilynn taught me better.  They noticed everything and were thankful for it -- the swallows nesting in the eves of the porch, the crocus peering up through the frost-laden soil, the first shoots of clover and the blooms of the plum tree.  I know better; yet in the cares and worry I had forgotten.  My friend and mentor Esther used to say -- God gives us miracles every day; it is our choice to see them and recognize them.

So I am trying.......

I started my journal of a thousand gifts.  I hope to fill this journal with many more than a thousand and to keep writing.  I need to be more diligent. 

Some of the blessings I have had in the last few weeks have been:

Big eyes and blond hair staring at me under the blankets on a sleepy morning.

Ruffled pink irises blooming in the yard and strong tall delphinium.

A pair of hummers that have decided to nest at our house and flit among the flowers and the bee balm

The kindness of a total stranger that paid what the insurance did not cover for the kid's dental work.

Precious giggles and hermies from my two-year old as he discovers a fuzzy-wuzzy caterpillar for the first time and an older brother who was thoughtful enough to take the time to share it.

Life often seems broken, dying and just too hard but if we focus there we lose our joy.  Our challenges overwhelm us.  Where is our hope?  The world around me is in despair.  People are so hopeless.  Should we not be set apart from the despair of the world.  I don't think it is due to a lack of trials; I don't see that God promises us that in Scripture.  In fact Scripture says -- In this world you will have troubles but fear NOT, I have overcome the world.  It isn't our circumstances that are supposed to keep us free from discouragement, it is our relationship with the Lord.  Our grateful heart because of WHO He is and WHOSE we are that is key.  I thought of this again this morning.  I planted a "Resurrection Garden" just before Easter.  I had in my mind this gorgeous depiction of the tomb garden, with an empty tomb and rock walk.  Now, if I had planned this out weeks ahead my project may have gone better but Oi-vay..... as many of my great ideas lately, this also went by the wayside until the last minute. 

Frustrated with it but hopeful that by next year it would look lovely I moved it outside for the spring/summer season thinking it would take off.   Yet the exact opposite happened, most of the plants turned brown and looked like they were on death's door.  Despite my best efforts it continued to look worse and worse.  I picked at leaves and clipped and watered and fertilized.  It still looked horrible.  Then yesterday as I was hanging out the laundry what did I find, a singular, tiny white blossom amongst the leaves that looked dead.  A little more pulling and pinching and I find NEW GROWTH and a myriad of small white blossoms -- delicate enough for a strong breath to blow them away but there they were. 

I am reminded this morning that my life is often the same.  I cannot see the big picture.  I cannot see anything but dead and dying; my best efforts are bringing forth nothing new, no life.  Yet God is still at work in these dark times.  God's Sovereign Hand does far more than what  can see.  My desire is that my life also will bring forth blossoms that show God's hand in my heart, growth and life where the world would only see challenges and death and reasons for despair.  May it be more evident as I choose to see and acknowledge God's gifts every day.